So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
