smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
