Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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