well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
