If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
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Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
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I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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