You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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