Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
