my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
