dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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