I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Randomize
