I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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