where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
