omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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