Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
