i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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