No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
