I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
