69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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