You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
this is an emotional support booty call
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
