Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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