Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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