these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
