It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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