I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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