just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
