I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
