I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
