Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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