I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
