You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
