i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
