No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Sober January is a disaster.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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