i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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