Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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