they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
