Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
