shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
