He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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