The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
