i jhust puked up my retainher.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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