Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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