i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
