how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
