They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
