come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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