im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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