I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
