did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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