soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
