I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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