I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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