i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
