I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
