He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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