we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
