I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
