I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I had to cum in my sink.
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