Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
