I'm going to jail i love you
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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