thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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