fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
