creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
