we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
