Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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