Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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