Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
