My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
