So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
