so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
