My first STD was from a foam party
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
