I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
