So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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