handjob tips. give me some.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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