Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
