is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
