Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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