I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
