I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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