I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
