Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
