party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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